Yesterday I came upon stark evidence that a heinous crime had been committed.
This is unquestionably a case of first degree Crape Murder. A dastardly deed. In plain view 0f the public. Brazen. Condoned by the “Landscape Committee.” Why they probably paid so-called outside “professionals” to do the dirty deed.
I am barely able to consider the pain and suffering these three sturdy examples of treehood had to endure. And closer examination of the evidence strongly suggests that this wasn’t the first time they had been treated to such harsh treatment.
What’s next? Surely they won’t have those handsome evergreens cut down into basketballs.